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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Holding a Soul

Sometimes, it is difficult for me to reach out to my first born child. My fears of rejection and the 30 year old misbeliefs so deeply engrained in my head resound with the words that I am not good enough for my own son. And there is that thing called guilt. All these things so often impede my ability to simply phone him when I would like to just say, "hello and how are ya doing?" So often weeks and weeks pass before I can step over my fears and make that phone call. So, I am really my own jailer and hold myself in exile from the opportunities to communicate more frequently with him and from more steady progress in building our relationship. And then, I wonder if my failure to reach out more often is perceived by my son as rejection. And so there is another layer of guilt for me! More added crazy making to this whole thing...

However, every single day without fail, even on the days I garner the courage to make that phone call, I hold him in my thoughts and keep him spiritually close. Holding a Soul is about some of my thoughts on my spiritual connection to him; or to any one of my children, for that matter.



Holding a Soul

Would you set this child's soul before me?
Show me the hurt; Nudge me closer so that my breath
blows across his shapeless pain?

Would you help me to draw this soul closer?
So that your life flows to fill the fissures and
and binds his being?

Would you help me to extend my arms?
To hold this child's soul; to encircle his soul for the length
of its dark night?

4 Comments:

  • At 7:23 AM , Blogger Third Mom said...

    Beautiful. Thanks

     
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  • At 5:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I came to your site via Reunited Dan. You write beautifully and capute what I often feel as a first Mom but am very often unable to put into words. I can really indentify with this post. I have spent a great deal of my adult life thinking and believing that I am not good enough. I was wrong, I was then and I am now!

     

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