we are everywhere

Friday, December 08, 2006

Your Voices

I have been quiet on my own blog. Work and school assignments have especially kept me from writing, here. I still am reading the adoption blogs. Daily, I hear your voices.

Thank you for your voices. Thank you for your cries in the desert.
I am out here in the desert,too. Wandering on some days. Working on some days. And on others, I am able to add my single voice to yours when I gather the strength to write about my own truth of adoption loss. I don't yet have the endurance to use and sustain my voice for long.

I am able to sometimes put my words in writing. While in public,I sputter, stammer
and cannot speak. I think that by reading your words over and over, I might begin to
be able to speak up in public with clarity and calm. I still choke back emotions and tears when I speak in front of people about adoption loss. I'm afraid that people will write me off as one of the "few who happened to have a bad experience with adoption." Out of that fear,I do not speak.

Please know that I am listening to you. Thank you for your words. I let them pour into me as I read. I hope that this saturation of all your words will help me to aquire new oral adoption language. In language learning theory, aquisition of a new language happens partially through this kind of input. I need new language when it comes to speaking about adoption.

Thank you for risking your voices and exposing yourselves to ridicule, chastisement, and the board(er) wars. Thank you for exposing yourselves to dismissal, minimization and apathy.

Maybe, I will wander away from these desert dunes and stake us out a wonderful beach site near the ocean.

I could set up a big red and white striped party tent for us all. I would hang 1000 white paper lanterns from the ceiling so we ccould stay all night.

We could swim, dance, make music, BBQ and eat lots of dessert. After, when we're filled with food and filled with stories and tired from laughing, we could all have rest. A little rest for body, soul and voice is good once in a while, I think.


  • At 10:40 PM , Blogger Third Mom said...

    Please keep writing, your voice is beautiful. The adoption world needs to hear you!!

  • At 10:46 PM , Anonymous Nicole said...

    Excellent, a party!

    I want to come. Am inviting myself.

  • At 1:05 PM , Blogger Joy said...

    Oh red and white are my favorite colors, I love parties, yes, it feels so good to have other travellers, so good, adoption is so isolating.

  • At 6:22 PM , Anonymous kim.kim said...

    Thank you for your voice too. I want to come to the party too. I might want to bring a pug.

  • At 6:47 AM , Blogger dbannie said...

    It would to be so wonderful to able to put together this kind of party.

    To meet all of you in real life...;0)

    For today, I have to simply grab my coffee,
    visit you all at the blogs and then it's off to a workshop for me!

  • At 5:34 AM , Blogger Reunited Dan said...

    I notice that I go in and out of writing mode. Sometimes I can't shut up and at other times I can't speak up.

    Enjoy it all.

  • At 7:42 PM , Blogger Third Mom said...

    I was thinking of you today, I saw a comment you made on someone's blog and it made me think of you. Just wanted to say hi.

    And I should have said in my first comment that it WOULD be great to meet all the people we've met here blogging. I hope that happens some day.

  • At 12:32 PM , Blogger dbannie said...

    Thank you for stopping by here!

    I am busy planning and writing out a lesson for my final class project.
    So, no immediate party planning for me.

    But, since the point of a party is to get out of isolation be with other people, I have some of the benefits of that big beach party right here. I know that I am not alone here in adoption blogland and
    I can reach out and post to you all or write anytime of day or night.

    Really, really nice to know.;0)

  • At 8:15 PM , Blogger Being Me said...

    Language can be empowering. I recently owned the term firstborn. Up till now I never mentioned Joy that succintly. She was the baby I gave up for adoption when I was a teenager. I felt I had to explain her existence in someone else's family-- her distance from my home. Having to explain her if I mentioned her was a burdensome feeling instead of the joyful feeling of sharing my daughter. She's grown with a teenager of her own for me to brag about. The more I talk about her with people in the outside world, the easier it gets. ((((((hugs))))))

  • At 11:00 AM , Blogger dbannie said...

    Language is HUGE to me too.

    I think I could write a whole post on the evolution of my own language around my son and around adoption.
    Part of the language I used at some points was to simply survive.

    Thanks for stopping by. And for the hugs!

  • At 9:09 PM , Blogger AdoptTalk said...

    Hi, I'd like to share with ya'll a new and very important book about adoption:

    America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
    by Mirah Riben
    Foreword by Evelyn Robinson

    Projected Release Date: Feb 15, 2007



    Stork mar·ket. (stôrk märkt) n. 1. exposé of the corruption in the adoption industry; the fine line between black and gray market adoption; scams, coercion and exploitation. 2. an in-depth report on the international market where children are the commodity being bought and sold to the highest bidders including pedophiles with prices based on quality (i.e. age, skin color) of the merchandise and set as high as ‘desperate’ consumers continue to be willing to pay. 3. an examination of the myths of adoption that put the needs of adults, and those who profit from their desperation, before the needs of children who need homes. 4. an extensively researched and documented book that asks if adoption can be fixed -— the money aspect removed and government controls and regulations put in place -— or abolished in favor of permanent guardianship, or informal adoption sans the issuance of falsified birth certificates. 5. goes further than Riben’s groundbreaking, award-winning “shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988) which was excerpted in Social Issues Review Series, Utne Reader and Microcosm USA. 7. reveals, for the first time in print, Riben’s role in the notorious Joel Steinberg murder case.


    “Riben has done it again. Once again, as in Dark Side, she has pulled back the covers and exposed the unpleasant truths and problems that need to be addressed in American adoption practices. While difficult, when we remove the rose-colored glasses many view adoption through, the conclusions that Riben comes to are inarguable. Most impressive on every count….well researched and thought out.” Annette Baran, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., co-author The Adoption Triangle

    Mirah Riben writes that she refuses to give up. This book -— a wonderful and well-integrated mix of approaches—part analysis, part case studies from the front lines, part handbook, part up-to-date law and policy review -— is a testament to Riben's powerful and enduring commitment to the rights and needs of vulnerable women and their children. Riben's book is a clear, bright blueprint for change. Rickie Solinger, historian and author of Pregnancy and Power: A Short History of Reproductive Politics in America

    “Combines the historical and legal perspective with really hard hitting journalism.” Maureen Flatley, political consultant and media advisor specializing in child welfare and adoption

  • At 2:24 AM , Blogger momseekingpeace said...

    It gets easier over time, I trust that it will get easier for you.
    It was so hard in the beginning, I think I was always afraid someone would catch something I somehow missed and inform me why it wasnt so bad after all, I finally came to terms with how wrong it was that I was seperated from my son.


  • At 7:15 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Buy Ultram Online


    Buy Ultram Online

  • At 4:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home