we are everywhere

Thursday, January 18, 2007


Am just at home today, and as one of my sons says, "Taking care of business."
I have the laundry machines running while I have been completing online
applications for substitute teaching positions. I got all of my continuing ed credits completed, and passed my class! So now I am again eligible to teach in this state. Yeah! Seems like the day has simply slipped by me.

The house is quiet for exactly 27 more minutes. And then my 13 year old bouncing "baby boy" will bust through the door with his overload of energy. Mega watts of it! I usually want to send him out to run around the house about a dozen times. (My mother in law said that she used to send one of her boys out to run around the house after school just to burn off some energy....I love that woman!)

I think any middle school teacher should automatically be a candidate for canonization. To be creative enough to get past all those hormonally induced
energy surges and actually teach their students is truly heroic.

Joy has been talking about the inexplicable and mysterious occurances that we live with each day. And I want to latch on to that thought a little bit today.

To me, the energy that flows from one person to another is a mystery. The energy that radiates from my middle school son can reenergize me but it can also tighten my neck muscles in just a few seconds. Sure, some people might attribute it to a learned physiological response or simply to a reflex response to loud noises and sudden movements....but...
I believe that it is much more that and cannot yet fully be explained. We have not the tools to perceive and measure such energy. And I agree with Joy that we do not have the language to describe some of the mysteries of ourselves and others.

Though I cannot prove it, I believe whole heartedly that the energy that flows between me and each of my sons is a unique dynamic force and is an extenstion of our beings. I might go so far as to say it is of the spirit....Well, I don't have a solid enough background in theology to stay with this line of thought despite 12 years of Catholic education, so I will stop right now.

Recently, I came across a book that has really been around for years. It is new to me, though. Julia Cameron's the "Artist's Way."

Over the past few weeks, I have been writing my morning pages. Three pages full.
And something seems to be happening. All this energy; (yes, I think I will call it energy) that builds in my head and maybe even in my body around the irrationality of adoption and what happened to me and my first born son seems to dissipate or be neutralized for at least 12 hours. And I am having really good days! Concidental...perhaps...

Except that I do think that when I write my morning pages I negate what is almost like static electicity or some form of psychic and kinesthetic "white noise" that clogs me mentally and physically. Some days I have simply been venting in my morning pages. Some mornings it is much more like a prayer in that I write directly to God in my 3 pages.

This week I am into Chapter 3 of Cameron's book. In this chapter she defines and discusses anger and how to use it in a manner and depth I have never read before.
And what she says appears, at least at first read for me, highly relavant to adoption loss. She also talks about grief, shame and even synchronicity.

I am wondering if anyone else has had any experiences with "the Artist's Way";
especially a similar experience that might be in relation to writing the morning pages.

I am in no way trying to promote Cameron's book. Just am very excited about how writing the morning pages seems to help diffuse or negate the "crazy making" kind energy that regenerates around my son's adopiton.


  • At 7:03 PM , Anonymous Kateri said...

    I LOVE the Artist's Way. I read it years ago (my therapist gave it to me) and the thoughts and techniques made so much sense in a way that nothing I'd read before had. I had forgotten about what she wrote about anger, I should pick ip up again. Morning pages are hard to do when you wake up covered in tiny people, though. That's my excuse and I'm stickin to it.

  • At 9:55 PM , Blogger dbannie said...

    My children are not small anymore so I don't wake up "covered in tiny people"...that's so funny, Kateri.

    And not only that the youngest is in school all day, so I have no excuse NOT to do writing in the morning.

  • At 1:40 PM , Anonymous kim.kim said...

    I did the whole twelve weeks religiously. I turned the vaccuum cleaner space into my special corner and named it my Harry Potter room. I have photos of the space someone on one of my blogs.

    It inspired me to do so many things. I am so excited that you are doing this now.

    Morning pages are so liberating, I have a massive pile of excercize books full of morning pages.

    I wonder if I should do the 12 weeks again.....

    Are you doing the taks too? The artist dates? I made the mistake of taking Pugsley on one, you have to go alone.

  • At 9:42 PM , Blogger Third Mom said...

    This is intriguing, thank you for the tip.

    And it's so good to hear your voice again, it has been awhile. You're an inspiration to the lazy slobs like me, who just go with the (often very counterproductive) negative engergies in our lives. I appreciate the gentle kick in the pants.

  • At 9:12 AM , Blogger dbannie said...


    No, I have only done one artist's date. But I do have a plan for the next one which I can maybe do on Friday. I want to go to our local, giant indoor garden center and just smell the dirt and feel the warm humidity and take in all the greenery and blooms. It calms me so much when the outdoors is frozen white.

    Glad to know that doing the morning pages will pay off! I do remember the pictures of your space, Kim. And I liked it! I have my own room (sort of); the little formal dining room, which we never use at my house. I've taken it over with my books and sewing. I have BIG plans for that room. LOL

  • At 9:19 AM , Blogger dbannie said...

    Hi Margie,

    Thank you! And yeah, it has been a while since I posted here.

    I think that the morning pages is just one way for a person to get rid of or negate some of the negative thoughts and energies.
    It seems to me a method that works for me, for now.

    I think I read your bio on your blog, or you wrote somewhere on another blog what you do..I simply don't see how can you call yourself lazy, Margie ;0)

    I remember being tired just reading it!

    Glad to see you, too. And I read your blog ALL the TIME.

  • At 1:26 AM , Blogger LeRoy Dissing said...

    I have not read this book but will look for it. Sounds like a great way to unclutter oneself or get it out (whatever "it" is) so that you can deal with "it" and life in general. Very cathartic. Thanks for sharing dbannie. Good ideas!

  • At 6:58 AM , Blogger Erika said...

    I like the name of your blog "we are everywhere". I am assuming your referring to the first mothers? if not please correct me.
    I think the worst comments I have recieved recently, (by adoptive parents) was sorry you had a bad experience with adoption. As if to say that unethical and fraudulent adoptions are rare, and that adoption is still wonderful i just got a raw deal.

  • At 9:57 AM , Blogger dbannie said...

    Hi Erika,

    Yes; that mothers of adoption loss are everywhere is what the blog name means.

    One of the first adoption books that I got my hands on referred to the fact that the mothers are right beside you in the grocery store aisle trying to decide on what to make for supper. I wish I could give credit to the author and even remember which book it was.

    I have found so many other mothers of adoption loss who are just like me; child care providers, educators, service industries, health care professionals, business professionals, and even are parent chaperones for the school field trips!

    I am just beginning to learning to deal in a way that is better for me in regards to the comments that come I receive regarding surrender/ adoption.

    Are you a mother, Erika?

  • At 9:59 AM , Blogger dbannie said...

    Oops..I meant to say:

    in regards to the comments that I receive about surrender/adoption.

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  • At 12:18 PM , Blogger Julie said...

    I've been a follower of Julia Cameron for several years and find the Morning Pages absolutely indispensable. To put it crudely, it's like pooping in the morning so you don't carry the sh*t around with you all day.

    I'm quite horrid about the artist's dates - got some kind of mental block about 'em. My subconscious prolly thinks I don't deserve 'em. Sigh.

  • At 11:29 AM , Blogger dbannie said...

    A absolutely perfect analogy, Julie! Doing the morning pages is kinda growing on me.


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